Radical Inclusion

by Aug 10, 2018Family Constellations

“Some think they are seeking their own soul’s truth but the greater Soul is thinking and seeking through them. The Greater Soul moves in only one direction, and that is to bring into union that which has been made separate.”

– Bert Hellinger


There is a family field of consciousness that binds us to all our family members, present and past. This field can be a luminous web, interweaving and holding all that comprises family. Ideally, love can flow between living family members and come forth from past generations, in support of future generations. However, when this tapestry is torn by trauma and misfortune, as it is in many families, it seems that the flow of love is blocked from its full expression until the trauma can be healed.

We are all, I believe, trying to get back to wholeness. I don’t believe we can get there by severing people and generations from our epigenetic past without causing damage to ourselves, to our children, to their children, or to other family members. Rarely, we might find it necessary to not have contact if this person is alive, but psychically severing the relationship from the system itself is the problem. Practically speaking, I just don’t believe it will work because that person, and the trauma associated with that person, still lies there in the unconscious family field, and even in our genes from what present-day research is showing, waiting to be expressed.

What has not been understood in the therapist community until recently is that these traumas, if not resolved in the generation in which they actually happen, will get passed down to future generations to be dealt with. This means that someone living now can be unconsciously loyal to even a dead family member, or a “perpetrator”, by finding a way in this present life to bring this family member’s trauma back into the system in the hopes of resolving it.

Family Constellation work shows how our family web is weakened when any family member is outcast, has been left behind, shunned, or simply forgotten. It could be someone who did terrible things to other family members. It could be an aborted or miscarried baby, an estranged parent, someone lost to suicide or war or adoption – the list goes on and on. Family Constellation Therapy has a way of helping us see that everyone must be included in the family system in order that their energy does not find a reason to force their own belonging by entering into a future generation in an attempt to heal the system.

This work is not necessarily about compassion or forgiveness, though those are natural outcrops from my experience (I will write about this in a future blog). It is more about acknowledging “what is” and “what was”. Most often, “what was” is something that you will not even know about that will be revealed in the constellation. This, in and of itself, can bring healing and wholeness back to the family system.